art-pretending-nonnettaI was once very critical of those who pretended to be something they were not. I once held myself in high esteem in regards to being exactly who I said I was. Certain individuals of my past (in the confines of romance) have been the type of females who cared a lot about what people thought about them; as well as what people had to say. 

Now then…

None of us are 100% immune from that sort of “vanity” and I am not certainly not judging. However, certain ladies in my past have been what I would consider obsessive over the lengths that they would go through to present a certain appearance… Especially ones who were living the exact opposite lives of the ones they were presenting to the public, friends and family. My new found wisdom tells me one thing. I owe any romantic partner in my past that has done this the humblest of apologies. I apologize for being critical toward them on this topic. For I now realize that I was not as authentic as I thought I was. The mind is a powerful thing. With it we can create our own reality. Creating that reality will attract certain energies to it. Especially the energy we are emitting from ourselves.

I presented myself in the past as someone who knew exactly what he was worth… but in light of my current pain, I know now that I was living a lie. Just because your mouth says that you have high-value doesn’t mean you truly believe that to the core. Let me digress… when some people view themselves as broken damaged or “fucked-up”if they see you as strong and not damaged or “fucked-up” they often try to break you. Breaking you down to their perceived level of themselves which makes them feel better. I allowed myself to be broken by people who love in this fashion. I told myself that I wasn’t broken because of it but in reality I was ignoring the fact that I was. I was telling people that I was worthy of a love that was patient, of a love that was understanding, of a love that was selfless in nature, of a love that was not ashamed to display love or be loved. I told myself that I was worthy of a love without fear, of a love you can build on, of a love strong enough to build a legacy on. A love that couldn’t stop a storm, yet refused to let your knees buckle under the pressure of the rain. I told myself I was worthy of a love filled with tolerance and cultural understanding, empathetic wonder and curiosity. My mouth said that I was worthy but the sponsoring thought in my head was that I was not. And of course… the power of the mind being so strong, it gave me what I felt I was worthy of not what I said I was worthy of. My humble apologies to those who pretend for I am no better than you. I must bid you farewell now, for I am no longer like you. I forgive you because I too have fallen short of the glory. But I know exactly what I’m worth now and I believe it wholeheartedly.